Top 10 Lesser-Known Myths about Global Warming

kbutler — Mon, 19 May 2008 00:00:00 -0400

Sure, there’s lots of finger pointing when it comes to who is to blame for global warming. Kyoto Protocol aside, there are whispers of other mysterious figures who may responsible for August arriving in May. (At least in Los Angeles, where the idea of “Hey, at least we don’t have humidity” is being swiftly losing ground to “When did the Mojave Desert expand into Santa Monica?”)

It’s a conspiracy by…

10. The fur industry to get animals to abandon their fur.

9. Bitter athletes who want to end Canadian dominance in hockey. Not so cool when you skate in slush, is it?

8. Evil supermodels sick of having to cover up in the winter.

7. Annoying guys who walk around saying “Hot enough for ya?”

6. Hollywood, who wants less money spent on heating oil and more money spent on blockbusters about the ravaging effects of global warming.

5. Pot smokers who want to see how high they can get off trapped greenhouse gases.

4. The pork industry, who wants to promote bacon by openly frying it on the sidewalk.

3. Failed plastic surgeons eager to see people’s faces melt off.

2. Icelandic folk sick of wearing Icelandic sweaters.

1. Real estate magnates who have already bought up the soon-to-be balmy south coast of Antarctica.

Want to learn more about global warming?

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Top 10 Signs You’re Not Running a Green Campaign

kbutler — Thu, 01 May 2008 00:00:00 -0400

In this workaday world, it’s hard to please all voters on all issues. And green candidates have their work cut out for them. The following is a tell-tale list of signs that might make green voters reconsider their options.

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU’RE NOT RUNNING A GREEN CAMPAIGN

10. Your slogan is: “Trees are lame.”

9. You’ve pledged a bigger, better, smokier Industrial Revolution for America.

8. Your only endorsement is from a former director of FEMA.

7. You say things like “We’re good. It’s not like there really is a Mother Earth.”

6. The only people who have heard of you live on Superfund sites.

5. You’ve made the Nature Conservancy very upset. And you don’t want to see the Nature Conservancy very upset.

4. You have to ask your spouse to stand beside you when 60 Minutes discovers a cache of whale oil, several endangered pandas, and billions of dollars from an oil company buried in your back yard.

3. In the debates, you ignored all questions with the words “save” “the” and “earth” in them.

2. Your campaign promises to show the positives of global warming. “After all, who really likes winter?”

1. Your plan for economic recovery makes people glow.

Want to learn more about Eco-Politics?

Check Out Obama’s Global Warming Plan

See What McCain Will Do About Climate Change

Hillary Clinton on the Environment

New Report: Doubts Grow About Global Warming

There’s More Than One Way to Hug a Tree

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall… Who’s the Greenest President of Them All?

green comedy

Top 10 Lesser-Known Myths about Global Warming

Top 10 Signs You’re Not Running a Green Campaign